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[it came in like a wrecking ball]
Garaii D'Israeli: Дата и примерное время событий: 80's, man! Локация: somewhere they speak English... Участвующие персонажи: Bootylicious & Boobylicious Краткий сюжет: What if?
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Garaii D'Israeli: Ok, so this is how it went down. Someone, - not Fred, not Mafalda, not Bones, not the kids, but someone huge and black (and no, not her vibrator either), - said, "Garaii, I don't know what's further out, your huge boobs or that stomach," and suddenly they are playing soccer, and there is Bones frying turkey or grilling something, just genuinely distracting her, and there is a ball going straight for her head, and then Bam! She wakes up........ in a coma. That's right, people, this is one of those stories. Well, you know how it is. She is a pain in the ass, the kind that has been driving men insane for far too long (and not in the fun way, oh no!), and the other one, the EVIL one, she is just a pain. And there is something... lets call it attractive, That's right, there is something attractive about the way she bosses everyone around, speaks her mind freely, - not that D'Israeli ever keeps anything bottled up inside, but still, - and cooks. Looking back, Garaii is pretty sure the first time they kiss (well, the first time she kisses Bones), she mainly does it because the bitch stole the last piece of Shepard's pie, which was really good, and Garaii wants some of it back. It's not like she is a lesbian. For fuck's sake, Garaii has children, she has been fucking men her entire life, and she always gets lost in Home Depot. So yeah, no risk of her being a dyke. At least until one night she gets really pissed and decides she really wants to fuck Bones. Well, OK, we're skipping ahead. Lets start from the beginning. There was a kiss and people laughed. It wasn't awkward, it wasn't even really a kiss, just a way to return some of the pie that was rightfully (rightfully!) hers. But it was nice. And there was screaming, and there was pushing, and there certainly was that "are you fucking out of your fucking mind" glance, that she chose to ignore, because of course she was, everyone knew that. And then the bitch goes ahead and does what?! That's right, sleeps with her son! Out of all the Jews in all the land! I mean, have some class, ho, ya know?! You do NOT sleep with a Jewish woman's estranged son, that's just wrong! Yet somehow, that wasn't even the biggest problem. The problem was... They're a tight group, the five of them. They share and they tell each other everything. So if Bones needed to get laid, she should have come to them! She should have counted on one of them to provide her with the service of getting laid! Hell, Garaii is a good person, she would have done it in a heartbeat! After all, Bones was one of her best friends, and she was one of Bones' closest acquaintance! I ask you, shouldn't that count for something?! As a person with high moral character, I answer you: it fucking should. She sips from a bottle of cough syrup (don't ask) the entire drive to Bones' home and calls it her courage-poison. By the time she pulls into her driveway, she is kind of drunk (in the lamest way possible). She knocks on the door and waits. Well, no so much waits as kicks it with her too-expensive-for-doing-this shoes. Once. Twice. "Bones, you better open this door, or I swear to God, I'm gonna get naked right here, right now and tell all your neighbors THAT I AM YOUR ONLY FRIEND!" she almost screams. Third time's charm, they say.
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